"The Real Secret to Dealing with Difficult People at Work"

The hard truth is you can’t change people. You can only change yourself and provide an atmosphere that encourages change in others. Here are 5 things you can do to begin to change yourself and also help set the stage for learning to deal with specific types of difficult people.

1. What kind of reaction do you have in response to this person?

2. What are you doing that could possibly be allowing the situation to continue or escalate?
You’ve probably tried ignoring the situation and that doesn’t help.

Tune into the monologue you’re having in your head about this person, even when they’re not bothering you. Is it full of anticipation and dread? Do you tell yourself how annoying, mean, or obnoxious this person is? Or maybe you tell yourself they’re right to criticize, belittle, or whatever it is they do. It’s bad enough that you have to deal with this person; don’t make things harder for yourself.

It’s time to stand up for yourself and let the person know you’re not going to put up with their antics anymore.

How you do this will depend on the nature of the situation of course. As we discuss specific types of people, you’ll find specific strategies to try.

3. Recognize the value that you bring to the world and that God specifically made you.
Every situation He gives us is full of an opportunity to learn, to recognize His almighty power, and to humble ourselves by realizing we can’t handle everything ourselves.

We complain a lot about the difficult people we work with, but we don’t always talk to God about the problem or admit to Him we need His help to solve it. But we do, don’t we?

Just as our earthly parents knew when we had a problem, and they’d wait for us to open up about it, so too does our spiritual parent. He’s always with us and He’s always ready to listen and guide us. We just need to ask and be open to hearing His answer. Pastor Joel Osteen once said that we don’t hear God’s response because He speaks to our heart, not our ears. Are you open to hearing the answer God's delivering to your heart?

4. Do others see a problem?
Just because other people don’t think someone’s behavior is problematic doesn’t mean it isn’t. But sometimes we respond out of proportion to a situation. For example, let’s say your female boss is a pretty tough task master. That doesn’t necessarily indicate she’s impossible to deal with. If you’re the only person in the department who feels she’s a tyrant, perhaps it’s not her, but your reaction to her that’s a problem. Does she remind you of someone who was a tyrant? Memories can stick inside us and get triggered in various ways. Of course, that can work both ways. A boss or someone else at work may treat you more harshly because you remind her of someone too.

5. Sometimes getting out of the situation is the best thing to do.
When you can honestly say you’ve tried your best to deal with a problem, it may be time for you to look for another job. Sometimes even just working on getting your resume together and starting to actively search for a new job is enough to change our attitude towards the problem: We feel like we’re finally taking action.

Get some help dealing with specific types of difficult people from a faith-centered perspective.

"Can you spare 7 minutes for God?"

The Mustard Seed